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Beanies

Posted on by Xana McCauley

When did I start?

I’m not sure – perhaps in 2016, or was it earlier?

I read a Facebook post of a terminally ill man who had been homeless for many years. There was a picture of him sitting up in the hospital bed, on oxygen, knitting beanies. He spoke of the cold on the streets and was using his last months to give something comforting to someone.

I couldn’t look away. I have committed to making and donating 100 beanies by July each year.

Before Alan and I started Hands of Compassion, we visited a shelter in Saratoga Avenue, Hillbrow. From there, we walked around two nearby parks. Some people were still sleeping under benches, hoping for shelter from the harshness of Johannesburg’s bitter winter nights with its frost; they would be touched and asked if they were ok. It was a daily checkup; we were told that people die in the parks every year from the cold. It was the hard reality of our city; it was a hard reality for a 25-year-old. These visits and experiences (one of many) laid the foundation for our social justice work at Rhema.

What do I do with the beanies?

I used to distribute them at Hands of Compassion every year.

Lately, I give them away to car park attendants, to the security and garden staff at the estate I’m in now, to the homeless people directing the traffic when the robots aren’t working, and I have sent some to Pretty Khowane at Hands of Compassion.

This year I joined Knit and Natter Bryanston. The wonderful Sarah Welten-Blake brings wool donations for us to knit, and she then distributes our work: beanies, blankets, scarves, mittens, baby everythings. It’s truly a work of love.

How many?

So far this year, I’m on beanie number 34.

I’ve also knitted 5 scarves (a bit boring for me).

Last year, I made 20cm x 20cm squares for Jennica from WAC (We Are Church), who puts them all together and makes beautiful blankets.

When do I do it?

At night only.

I cannot just watch TV, not even soccer. I need to do something else. It’s generally my Ballpoint Pen art (in summer) or knitting and crochet (in winter).

I hope this inspires you

Make something warm for someone who needs it this winter.

Taking a page from Mother Teresa’s book: if you can’t make 100 make 1.

Pattern

I’ve developed a simpler – better – faster (my HOC staff will be laughing) beanie pattern for 2026

Chunky wool
6mm knitting needles

Cast on 80 stitches
Knit 2 Purl 2 (every row; it forms a comfortable ribbing pattern) – until it measures 28cms in length.
Quick decrease:
With right-side facing – Knit 2 together to the end. Turn.
Next row – Purl 2. Turn.
Repeat these 2 rows until 5 stitches remain.
Thread yarn through the last stitches and tighten.
Sew sides together.

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The Samaritan Woman (John 4:5-42)

Posted on by Xana McCauley

Today’s gospel reading is from the book of John 4:5-42. Today is also International Women’s Day.

What a day to preach on the encounter of Jesus and the woman at the well – probably my favourite gospel story!

International Women’s Day invites us to honour the contributions of women to the world, and to renew our commitment to justice and equality.

I hope you have noticed that history tries very hard to erase women.  Their names simply ‘disappear’! More often than we know, their contributions have been attributed to men. Not to speak of the uncovering in recent years of their work, scientific research, art and writings, having been outright stolen from them by men.  Perhaps you could start by googling Mileva Marić. She was Albert Einstein’s 1st wife. Have a look at her contribution to science and the impact she had on his success.

In the history of the church, one woman after another has been diminished, and in time, they disappear or are forgotten. For example, are you able to name some of Jesus’ women disciples?  Or, have you heard of Anne Graham Lotz? She’s Billy Graham’s daughter. She’s an evangelist, has authored 11 books, written many bible study resources, and devotionals. Her heartbreaking story can be found in her book, My Heart’s Cry.

I read of a Canadian author trying to find her family roots; she began with a family tree; after the third or fourth generation of her ancestors, she could only complete half the tree! The women were missing.

Earlier this year, I was privileged to have witnessed in person the USA Buddhist monks’ Walk for Peace. I had been following them on social media since Nov and continued to do so upon my return to SA. Do you know their rescue dog also walked with them?  The dog’s name is Aloka. But there was someone else who walked those 2,300 miles (3,700 kms) from Texas to Washington as well: their organizer. The media spoke of this ‘unsung hero of the journey’; this ‘quiet, unseen sacrifice’. The one that organized everything, police communication, protocols, route planning, stops, meals, resting locations, community scheduling, media contact, crisis responses, medical and even vet checkups for Aloka the dog. The organizer was a woman. Jennifer – just Jennifer! The woman, who, according to the article, ‘without her, the road would have ended before it began,’ was just Jennifer; no surname, like Aloka the dog. Who is Jennifer? I eventually managed to find her name: she is JENNIFER NGOC PHAN.

Today, on International Women’s Day, I’d like to remind us that it’s not just about History, or his-story, but it’s also about her-story, and their-story.

After today’s reading of John 4, I ask who is this unnamed woman at the well that Jesus begins a conversation with?

Let us be clear: Jesus initiates the conversation, not her. And … not only a conversation, but a deep theological conversation. And … the longest one-on-one conversation recorded in the Bible. And … a conversation where Jesus reveals himself as the Messiah for the very first time, way before Peter answered Jesus’s question, ‘Who do you say I am? And … this conversation leads this woman to become the first evangelist of our faith.

Let us look at this text from 3 different perspectives. 1) First, we read the text itself in our Bibles. 2) Then look at the world behind the text, i.e. what was the context at the time it was written; and how would the original hearers of this story understand it. 3) And finally, we look at the world in front of the text, i.e. our context today; how is it relevant to us?

We have just read the text.     

Let us look at what is behind the text  

Many of us were taught that she was problematic. She has been portrayed as erotic, sexually promiscuous, and as an adulterer. This nameless woman at the well has been degraded for centuries by mainly male theologians, but also a few female ones, too. Why? Not once do our scriptures say anything of the sort.

Here are a few things to reflect on.

She was a Samaritan. The Jews looked down upon Samaritans because they opposed their religious beliefs; actually, Jews would rather take the longer route around Samaria to avoid meeting or interacting with their people altogether. Jesus was a Jew, a Rabbi, a teacher; he knew the rules. But he chose to go through Samaria in the face of these deep social and religious divisions.

She was a woman. This meant that she was a 2nd rated citizen, of limited value, with hardly any rights, completely dependent on a man (her father, husband, brother, uncle, partner). Women were forbidden from being educated and had no economic or financial agency. They were viewed with suspicion. In some regions they were not allowed to speak in public with a man, which meant they were not allowed to respond to their questions and were most definitely not allowed to ask questions. They were publicly muted.

She was of ‘ill reputation’. She had had 5 husbands and presently was not married to the 6th man she was living with. Was this her fault? Consider the possibilities: 1) Her husbands could have died. Young women were often married off by their families to older men who were more financially stable. 2) She could have been passed around through the laws of levirate marriage, in which, if the husband died, his brother had to marry the widow to take care of her. 3) She could have been divorced once or twice, especially if she was barren. Let me highlight that in those times, the power of divorce rested in the hands of the husband, who could divorce for just about any reason under the sun. 4) She could have been a concubine of the man she was now living with, which was quite acceptable at the time. Whatever the reasons, we blame, shame and judge her without knowing anything about her ex’s. What about them? We also seem to forget that Jesus was not bothered by and did not question her morality. So why are we? Jesus did not label her a ‘sinful’ woman, nor tell her to ‘sin no more’. He does not shame her but engages her with dignity and seriousness. I think Jesus knew that her position reflected structural injustice, not moral failure.

To make 100% sure we get it, the church has also taught us that she must have had that ‘reputation’ because she was not drawing water from the well with the other women in the morning, to avoid their gossip. Gossip! … another stereotypical idea attributed to women (something we need to dismantle.) The truth of the matter is that we do not know why this woman was drawing water in the afternoon. Perhaps she was helping a neighbour with small children or needed more water to finish her tasks. We are not told. The bible doesn’t say. What we do know is that she was an inquisitive religious seeker, and she seemed to know enough. We know that Jesus engaged her in a lengthy theological conversation, something rabies would do, but only with males.  It also seems to me that she was respected and trusted, perhaps even admired by her community.  Her people listened and believed her testimony, which suggests that she was not a shunned sinner.

Let us look at what is in front of the text

How does this story speak to us today? And how does it help us live our lives as followers of Jesus?

Jesus cut through religious boundaries.

As I mentioned before, Jesus chose to walk through Samaria instead of going around it and made a point of talking to someone from a different faith, considered ungodly; a faith that worshipped false gods. Today, this could apply to islamophobia and our judgments of other religions. Are we willing to be more inclusive of those of other faiths? Are we willing to listen respectfully and learn from them? Here, we have an example of Jesus engaging respectfully with a woman from a different faith, a faith rejected by Jews.

Jesus cut through gender boundaries and social divides.

Jesus initiated a conversation with a woman! A Samaritan woman! He spoke to her openly, despite cultural prohibitions. He listened and believed her story. He took the time. He took her seriously; he honoured and respected her. He answered her questions directly, without prejudice or disdain. And he wasn’t intimidated by her questions, her past, or her social standing.

In a world where women’s voices were, and are still, silenced and questioned, Jesus chose to affirm her. This moment reminds us that the heart of God beats for inclusion. It’s worth noting that this woman, found in the margins of society, represents queer and gender-diverse peoples. Black feminist theologians teach us that she represents the intersection of race, gender, and social marginalisation. So, right there, Jesus is pointing us to a new way of being with one another, with community; a way of respect, love, and welcoming. Our world is full of sexist jokes, the minimisation of women’s voices, interruptions, mansplainings, transphobic, homophobic, racist and xenophobic insulting comments and attitudes. At this point, we need to pause and ask ourselves: are we interrupting disrespectful conversations? And are we starting new Jesus-like ones?

One of the best parts of this story for me is that the Samaritan woman’s voice is central to the passage. She questions, she listens, she shares her testimony. She is fierce; she is not intimidated by this Jewish man, nor by her cultural norms and expectations, nor by their prejudices and social divides. Her courage is inspiring. She engages Jesus at his level, head on, and without feeling inferior. They hold a sustained debate about worship, messianic identity and truth. The result? The woman moves from a conversation partner to an agent of change, carrying the good news to her community. She becomes a model of leadership for those whose voices have been denied in the church. So, Yes! The nameless Samaritan woman at the well becomes the 1st evangelist.

Wil Gafney, a theologian, says that ‘Her story exemplifies how Scripture, when read carefully and justly, restores women’s authority rather than erasing it.’ And of course, this applies to everyone and anyone living a life on the ‘outside’. Jesus’ conversation with the Samaritan woman exposes people’s pain of exclusion. But when these barriers are broken down, we witness leadership and transformation. Friends, God calls us to life, truth, growth and unity. We can be sure that God’s Spirit is already at work within marginalized lives, because God’s liberating presence is revealed precisely among those pushed to the margins by intersecting systems of exclusion.

Lastly, did you notice? In verse 28 of John chapter 4, the woman left her water jar behind. This old jar symbolises her old, sad and oppressive life. She leaves the jar at the well and steps forward as a leader, taking with her living water, God’s presence made alive in her, and bringing many to faith.

Before I go, I want to tell you that I found the name of the Samaritan woman at the well. Her name is Photina. In the Eastern Orthodox Church, she’s well known as St Photina, an evangelist and martyr.

Let us pray. Loving God, help us to remember that in a world that draws lines between peoples and genders, Jesus stepped across every boundary. Reveal to us your heart, a heart that knows no division and welcomes all into divine fellowship. May we seek the Spirit’s guidance to embody justice, compassion, and hope in our daily lives. May we, like the Samaritan woman, leave behind what no longer serves us, and step forward empowered by living water, ready to proclaim the Good News in word and deed. And may we go from here today, as a community shaped by the Holy Spirit, to build a world where God’s justice and love reign for all. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

(from my preaching today at WAC)
Pic: AI-generated
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Anger

Posted on by Xana McCauley

For many years I have noticed that anger frightens Christians with a special place reserved for women’s anger. From ‘angry black women’ to ‘emotional and irrational women’ there is a consistent negative tag attached to it.

7 years ago I chose to research anger for my Master’s thesis; but alas it was turned down; my supervisor said it was ‘inappropriate’. I changed the topic and my proposal was readily accepted. A theologian from The Circle https://circle.org.za/ cautioned me that researching a topic that didn’t resonate with me was unsustainable; she was right.

Speaking to a friend she pointed out the biblical prophets were angry, Jesus got angry and so did Paul.

On an old piece of paper, I still have St Augustine’s quote stuck to my office cupboard door:

“Hope has two beautiful daughters.

Their names are Anger and Courage.

Anger at the way things are and

Courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.”

 

On Friday night I attended a CAC (Center for Action and Contemplation) webinar hosted by Brian McLaren and Richard Rohr. The topic? – What Do I Do with My Anger?

Here are some of my notes: (to be clear: the anger discussed specifically excluded destructive and malicious anger.)

 

Valarie Kaur (activist and author) purposefully uses the word  ‘rage’ (not anger) in her books; she explained that rage is a fierce form of anger and an embodiment of outrage; it is only when we process rage in safe containers that we can return to love and compassion.

 

Richard Rohr encouraged us to hold the paradox of Divine Anger and My Anger and let them inform one another; he highlighted that anger is a sense that something is wrong, in our lives, in our culture, in the world, and that in anger there is a deep sense of sadness. Rohr points to a pattern we can find when reading the prophets of the Bible: rage moves to sadness, and then to forgiveness i.e. love and compassion.

 

Brian McLaren pointed out that anger helps us speak truth to power and create solutions on how to bring restoration and a better tomorrow.

 

Carmen A Butcher (lecturer at Berkeley University) offered practical ways to cope with anger such as taking a break from social media which scatters, triggers and agitates us 24/7, go a for a walk, appreciate nature; check-in with yourself and practice mindfulness; always remember to love yourself and God, and then go out and love the enemy. Butcher reminded us that anger must be constructive and … it is always painful.

 

Richard Rohr’s book The Tears of Things is out. Here’s the trailer https://thetearsofthings.com/#trailer

 

 

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WHOLEHEARTED – a mother’s commitment

Posted on by Xana McCauley

I have just finished reading Nishani Ford’s book: WHOLEHEARTED – An offering of hope and healing for those who love someone struggling with addiction. Here is the story of a single mother, with two sons; the eldest became addicted to substances at a very young age.

I attended the book launch at Gracepoint Church and was moved by the sincerity, tenacity and unconditional love spoken freely. Having been involved in a 6-month live-in recovery programme at Hands of Compassion, I have been privileged to have been trusted with first-hand accounts of heartbreak, anger, despair, and disappointment; to hear from families and friends holding on to a thin thread of hope, ‘pastor, do you think they will make it this time?’ And I have been privileged to have been trusted with first-hand accounts of deep regret, loss, shame, and confusion; to hear from those struggling with substance abuse with no strength left to hope, ‘pastor, I’m trying so hard to stay clean; do you think I can?’

I have celebrated and I have wept; I have weakened and wondered if what I dedicated my life to was worth it; and I have stood strong to defend and bring hope. Through many testimonies of success, I managed to stay the course, and to this day continue receiving messages of gratitude, messages from those still struggling but still in the race requesting prayers, and from families who have lost loved ones who reach out for a word of comfort.

I share a poem by Nishani, from her book, with you here (with her permission). This poem was the Winner of the AVBOB Poetry Award and a part of the Hope and Healing Library of South Africa.

 

BOY IN THE BACK SEAT

There is a boy [in] the back seat

Quiet and anxious

He shares his mother’s fears

Will we find him?

 

Driving hours on end

This boy has no playtime

No friends to contend

Instead, his life is wasting away

The boy in the back seat

Looking out for the shape of his brother’s cap

Under bridges

Along the road

Can we see him?

 

It’s late now and his childlike eyes begin to tire

He knows his mother won’t go home

Not yet

Not until she has him

 

He curls up

Anxious

Scared

Alone

And sleep takes him away into a darkness

A nightmare comes true

For him there is no escape

 

When will she look back, he wonders

When will she notice

I am waiting for my mother’s holy love

She is spread so thin – I must be patient

 

I too am waiting to live

Beyond this addiction crippled family

I too am waiting to live – I too am alive

 

Friends, I encourage you to get WHOLEHEARTED, whether you have travelled this road, seen others on it or not; pastors and church leaders, we cannot look away; we must be the support and the community that offer hope and the gift of time.

Get inspired. Get the book here https://nishaniford.com/

 

 

 

 

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In Honour of Ms Esther Kostina

Posted on by Lyn

I have been wanting to post this for a while now but have needed time to grieve.

On Tuesday 9 June I received a call: Ms Esther Kostina (Mama Esther, as she was known at HOC) had passed away.

Who was Mama Esther?  She was one of the strong foundations that helped make HOC what it is today.  She became my teacher and advisor: a strong, fearless dignified no-nonsense woman, full of wisdom.

I met Mama Esther at HOC in June 1987.  She worked for a man that had asked us if he could cultivate a portion of our land and move onto our premises.  The farmer moved in and brought Mama Esther with him.  Soon I noticed she worked from morning to night, Monday to Monday, no time off, no day off.  I confronted the man who was dismissive and arrogant.  Mama Esther could not communicate in English; she was Xhosa and spoke to the farmer in Afrikaans.  I took one of our residents, and through this interpreter, I learnt that she was receiving one bag of mealie meal per month, some soap and bits of leftover food from his table.  The farmer attended our church’s Bible college.  After a few meetings he was expelled, still unrepentant.

I invited Mama Esther to join us at HOC, and she did.  A few months later she travelled home to fetch her youngest son, five years old, who was being cared for by his school-going sisters and a helpful neighbour; her husband had long deserted her with no warning.  Thembelani was a couple of years older than my kids.  They grew up together, attended nursery and primary school together. Thembelani went to 4-ways High School, completed his Matric and is now a manager at a furniture store.

In 1988 Mama Esther took me to the end of HOC’s long but narrow piece of land and pointed to a tree. Under the tree, I could see a very small tin house. A family was living there: father (Thomas), mother (Vivian) and two children, Monwabisi 4 years old and Sitembele 2 years old. Vivian was Mama Esther’s cousin.  Two weeks later the family moved into one of HOC’s family cottages.  They lived with us until the boys completed Matric, and then they bought their own house in Diepsloot.  But that is a story for another day.

Mama Ether taught me about the Xhosa culture, about raising and caring for children (our own and others’), about community, about polygamy and gender-based violence in families, about the discrimination and abuse of girls.  Mama Esther stood by me: she corrected me; she taught me about agriculture; she taught me some Xhosa phrases. I’d like to think I helped her with some English! With much laughter, we learnt together how to make strawberry jam, and she taught me how to cook ‘real pap.’ She taught me how to carry my babies on my back, and tried, in vain, to teach me how to carry parcels on my head.

She was a disciplinarian, and Thembelani made her so cross when he would run away from her wrath! We would just hear her voice THEM-BE-LA-NI, and we knew he was in trouble, but she would end up laughing and say, “You see? I’m getting too old to catch this young one.”

Mama Esther filled many roles at HOC at different times: she cooked for the whole community, was our housekeeper, helped look after my kids and the kids we took in as boarders during the school year. She loved to work in the massive strawberry patch the two of us had started and did the one job I refused – supervise the slaughtering of chickens every Tuesday (I am grateful we no longer have those five chicken houses anymore!).

When Thembelani completed his Matric, Mama Esther decided to retire: “I’m tired Xana; I want to go back to my house in Queenstown, grow my own vegetables and relax.”  It was a little bit hard to see her go; I missed her strong, reassuring presence.  But we kept each other’s numbers and would phone every now and then.

I saw Mama Esther for the last time when our family visited her in Diespsloot two years ago; she had come from her hometown (Queenstown, now Komani, in the Eastern Cape) and was staying with her cousin.  She couldn’t see very well; she was frail, but we still laughed and remembered some of the early stories of HOC.  I’m grateful for that last visit; I managed to tell her how much she had meant to me, my family and HOC.

Thank you, Mama Esther; your life enriched mine in more ways than you can imagine.

RIP Mama Esther.  I miss you.

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The theological basis for Christian service

Posted on by Lyn

One of the clearest teachings about Christian service is found in the book of James 2:14-20 (NLT):

14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? 15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, 16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? 17 So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. 18 Now someone may argue, “Some people have faith; others have good deeds.” But I say, “How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.”19 You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God.[f] Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. 20 How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless?

The message is clear: faith without works is dead.  There is only one kind of saving faith – the one that bears the fruit of good works.

Paul summed it up in his letter to the Ephesians 2:8-10 (NLT):

8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. 10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

The theological tweet goes something like this: you are saved by grace for good works.

We cannot have true faith without corresponding good works.

God does not love us because we are good; we are good because God loves us.

Faith without works is bribery.

Works without faith is slavery.

Faith with works is Christianity.

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Who is Carrying the Burden?

Who is Carrying the Burden?

Posted on by Xana

This reflection is based on the Men Engage article (13 April 2020): “Let us not be blind to the gendered impact of COVID-19, written by Mpiwa Mangwiro.

Maria Holtsberg, humanitarian and disaster risk advisor at UN Women Asia and Pacific has been quoted as saying: “Crisis always exacerbates gender inequality. ” During the COVID-19 pandemic, we are observing this very thing. As more countries go into lockdown women take on more of the responsibility to care in a disproportionate way. Physical distancing with its #stayhome includes the banning of social gatherings in order to reduce infections and flatten the curve.

As such, schools, colleges and universities are closed. Who cares for these children? More often than not, the burden falls on women to attend to their personal hygiene, homework, cleaning, meals, washing and ironing as well as ensuring that precautionary measures are adhered to in order to reduce the spread of the virus. In poor communities where there is no running water, it is often the women who fetch and carry water. Added to this is the responsibility of caring for someone in the family that may fall sick which more often than not becomes the sole duty of women. During this period of lockdown think about and discuss gender equality within your own families, work and communities. Below are some questions to consider:

  • Are expected gender roles still workable and applicable today?
  • Compare your grandparents’ society with society today. What has changed?
  • What could be the consequences of spreading the burden of care at home?
  • Is there a disconnect between what we say we believe in and what how we actually live our lives?
  • How could women’s perspective bring positive change in the workplace? What can we learn from the Scriptures?

Read, pray, meditate and discuss. Then go do. Philippians 2:4 Everyone should look out not only for their own interests, but also for the interests of others. Galatians 6:2 Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.

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Five Myths of Male Headship

Five Myths of Male Headship

Posted on by Xana

The Evangelical myths of “male headship” teach that men have some sort of authority over women in the Church, community, and home, but the Bible itself does not give men an over arching authority over women.
Written by: Kate Wallace

I sat down across the table from her. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and I was excited to catch up. She was a youth pastor, one of those with an obvious call on her life for ministry.But as I looked into her eyes, I could see she was worn out. She explained to me that she had been having some problems with her boss. She told me that every time she had a disagreement with him, he would tell her that she had a problem with “male headship in the Church”.I sat there, shocked that a pastor would know so little about headship in the Church, that he would use it to get his way with his employees. I think I blurted out my response before she had finished her sentence:“Yes! You should have a problem with male headship in the Church!” We took the rest of our lunch to talk through the theological error this man had fallen into.I have to admit, since that conversation I have been on high alert for every mention of “male headship” in Evangelical churches. I have heard it in many different contexts, and every single time it was used to elevate men over women – in the family, in marriage, in the Church.It occurred to me that although Evangelicals are known for diving into scripture and analyzing it word for word, we have failed to do this with “headship” in scripture. Someone tells us it is synonymous with “authority” and we leave it at that – no word study, no look at context, no observing original language.This has led to 5 myths about “male headship” that have weeded their way into our theology. Although I am far from being the first to write about this, my hope is that this post will help bring false thinking to light and challenge us to dig a little deeper.

Myth #1 – Male Headship in the Church

The Bible never teaches that there is “male headship” in the Church. Yup, you heard me right. Now, the Bible does talk about headship in the Church. But do you know who takes that position? That’s right – Christ.According to the Bible, Christ and Christ alone is the head of the Church. Men are never given that spot. In fact, to insist on male headship in the Church would be to place men in the spot of Christ, and that verges on heresy.Sometimes people use the language of “headship” when they are actually talking about leadership in the Church. This usually stems from a specific interpretation of 1 Timothy 2:12, a verse that never mentions headship. This is actually a different theological topic all together. The confusion of the two topics can lead to significant false teaching.

Myth #2 – Man as the Head of the Household

Did you know that the Bible never says that the man is the head of the household? That phrase is so common in our culture, and even though some of us assume it is taken out of scripture, it’s just not in there. So what does the Bible say?There are two places in scripture that refer to a husband’s headship: Ephesians 5.23 & 1 Corinthians 11.3. When you read them, you see that these verses are specifically speaking to the marriage relationship between a husband and a wife. They do not say that all men are the heads of all women. They also do not say that men are the heads of Christian communities.You will also notice that neither one says that the husband is the “head of the house”. In fact, the only thing the husband is called the “head of” is the wife.So what does it mean for a husband to be the head of the wife? Some believe it has to do with leadership, but…

Myth #3 Headship as Leadership

Did you know that the Bible never says that the husband is to “lead” the wife? People who teach this are actually giving their own interpretation of scriptures that talk about the “headship” of the husband. They are assuming that the Greek word for “head” means “leader”. This is a common assumption because in the English language, “head” can be synonymous with “leader”. But not all languages equate “head” with “leadership”.French, for example, is one language in which their word for “head” has no connotation whatsoever with “leadership”. Interestingly, Greek is another language that does not commonly equate leadership with headship. In Greek, headship can mean “source”, as in the “headwaters of a river” (1 Corinthians 11.3 seems to be an example of this, considering verses 11 & 12 of that chapter). The meaning of “head” in Greek is usually a metaphorical one, which can be understood through context of the specific passage.If we read these passages without bringing our Western, English understanding of the word “head” into them, they look pretty different. But then how can we figure out what “husband headship” means in scripture? The second part of that verse holds a huge clue.“The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church…”If we want to understand “husband headship,” then we must understand Christ’s headship of the Church. So, how is Christ the head of the Church?Christ’s “headship” in relation to the Church is mentioned 5 times in the New Testament:

  1. Colossians 1:18 – Christ is metaphorical head of the Church, source of life after death
  2. Colossians 2. 18-19 – Christ as metaphorical head of the Church, to help her flourish
  3. Ephesians 5.23 & 25 – Christ as metaphorical head of the Church, saving her, loving her, giving himself up for her
  4. Ephesians 1:20-23 – Church is metaphorical body of Christ, Christ provides for Church’s growth
  5. Ephesians 4:15-16 – Church is metaphorical body of Christ, Christ equips the Church for growth through love

How is Christ’s headship of the Church described?

  • Giving abundant life
  • Helping her flourish
  • Saving her
  • Loving her
  • Giving himself for her/dying for her

What don’t we see in these passages?

  • authority over
  • leadership
  • decision making
  • rulership

Many other times when Christ is called the “head” of something, Scripture adds language to explain that he is also in authority over that thing. This “authority over” language is missing in every single instance of Christ being the head of the Church. Christ’s headship of the Church has nothing to do with leadership or authority, but with love, sacrifice, death, and giving of life. Likewise, a husband’s “headship” of his wife would refer only to giving himself up for her, sacrificing for her, to give her a flourishing life.For clarity’s sake… Was Christ a leader? – Yes. Is Christ the ruling Son of God seated on the throne? – Yes. Are those the traits of Christ that husbands are called to mimic as “heads” of their wives? – No.This is a servant role, not a leadership one.

Myth #4 Headship as Decision Making

Fun fact: scripture does not give husbands any sort of decision-making authority over their wives. In fact, the only scripture that addresses decision making in the husband-wife relationship instructs them to make that decision together equally (1 Corinthians 7.1-6).Let me say this one more time, because I think it’s important – The only spot in scripture that explicitly addresses decision making in a marriage calls the husband and wife to make that decision together equally.Scripture doesn’t give the husband a “trump card” in decision making. He doesn’t get the final say, according to the Bible. If we follow the example scripture sets, husbands and wives would make decisions together, through prayer.

Myth #5 Headship as Being in the Driver’s Seat

Too many times have I heard people equate a husband’s “headship” to authority because “someone has to drive the car”. Guess what? Marriage is not a car. Marriage is a covenant relationship. Plus, you can always pull over and switch drivers.While there were no cars at the time the Bible was written, interestingly there is a vehicular example in the Bible of what two people coming together in this covenant relationship should look like – two oxen, equally yoked, pulling a cart or a plow. They must be equal, or the cart will be pulled off course.In the scriptural example, we are not the drivers of the marriage at all. We are the oxen. The oxen do not decide where the cart goes – the farmer does. We put in the effort to make it work, and God decides where He will take it, and what He will use it for.Men don’t belong in the drivers seat. Neither do women. God does. Remember, we are called to live differently.

Busted

The Evangelical myths of “male headship” teach that men have some sort of authority over women in the Church, community, and home. I believe the prominence of these myths stems from a failure to study the topic thoroughly. The Bible itself does not give men an over arching authority over women. In fact, it tells us that a husband is to show his wife the life-giving sacrifice Christ showed to the Church.The world favors men. The Bible tells Christ followers to favor others – husbands to their wives, wives to their husbands, believers to one another. In this way, everyone is sacrificially loving and being loved. Egalitarians speak to this in their theology of mutual submission.My youth pastor friend made a great observation during our lunch together. “If Christ followers are generally called to self-sacrifice, servanthood, and humility, this grasping for male authority doesn’t seem to fit.”As Christians, we are not called to exert authority over people. We are instructed to love, serve, and lay down our authority as Christ did.In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” Phil.2:5-8

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Woman, Thou Art More Than Curves

Woman, Thou Art More Than Curves

Posted on by Xana

What we do with our bodies is more relevant and impactful for God’s kingdom than what our bodies look like.

Written by: Tega Swann

Until I was thirty-three and conceived my child, my body was slender and straight—no curves (a relative once jokingly called me “figure eleven,” which was her way of saying that I had no curves).For twenty-six of those thirty-three years, I lived in Nigeria, where thin meant “sickly” or “emaciated.” My mother was always frustrated with my figure, because she feared that people might think she didn’t take care of me! For years, one of my naturally thin sisters tried to “fatten” herself. She would often pad her clothing so that she looked like she had a fat stomach, hips, and butt!My people would joke that a Nigerian man could date a slender/thin girl, but he would marry a plump or “fat” one. They were more comfortable with and wanted women with curves, and lots of them!

This is the country where one tribe, the Calabars, actually sends its brides to the “fattening” room before the wedding!Then I moved to the US, which has been my home for the last seventeen years, and encountered a very different cultural ideal for women’s bodies. In the US, curvy/plump women are treated the way slender/thin women are treated in Nigeria—with denigration. Here, the perfect woman has little or no curves or any form of fat on her body. This standard is much like the kind of woman I was until I conceived and had my child. No wonder my American ex-husband was crazy about (my body) me!It’s been over twelve years since I had my daughter and my “curves” have developed and steadily increased! I have undulating curves everywhere—belly, hips, arms. As my body changed over the years, a part of me was delighted. I could now gleefully tell mom, “I’m fat!!” Then, I’d remember that I could only share that joy with Nigerians. Here in the US, my curves are not considered a success story.American culture made me miss my former self—until I started questioning why my looks should dictate my value in either context. I began to ask what my curves (or lack of them) had to do with fulfilling God’s purpose for my life.”What we do with our bodies is more relevant and impactful for God’s kingdom than what our bodies look like.”I started paying attention to what women did with their bodies. Soon, I realized that what we do with our bodies is more relevant and impactful for God’s kingdom than what our bodies look like.In American culture, describing a woman as a person of integrity, character, or in possession of any other non-physical virtue is often another way of saying she is unattractive. (Think about the cultural subtext of phrases like: “She has a great personality”). In other words, she is probably “fat,” and not appealing to the American male eye.Yet, it is those non-physical virtues that God delights to see in us!Samuel the prophet also judged people according to the world’s standard before God changed his perspective. When Samuel went looking for the next king of Israel among Jesse’s sons, Eliab caught his eye, because he was handsome and tall. But God wasn’t impressed with Eliab’s appearance. He cared far more for what was in his heart:Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord.”But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” 1 Samuel 16:6-7 (NIV).God found and chose a man who would not have been considered attractive in that culture. But, he was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22).

Men are rarely judged by their looks, but rather by their personalities, characters, achievements, and qualifications.When God looks at humans, both male and female, he is more concerned with our ways than with our looks. So why do we make war on women’s bodies?Judging people by their appearances is often a gender-prejudiced practice. Men are rarely judged by their looks, but rather by their personalities, characters, achievements, and qualifications. So much so that, in our culture, it is common to see a woman who fits the beauty ideal married to a man who would be judged unacceptable if he were female.Yet, a woman is so much more than her curves (or lack of them)! So why don’t we affirm the same qualities in women that we validate in men? I am a fat/curvaceous woman. I also know many curvy women who I greatly admire and respect, because of who they are and what they do with their hands, with their time, with their abilities, talents, and resources. These women faithfully raise children and partner their husbands, and somehow, they still find time to serve in church ministry.I also know delightful, curvaceous, unmarried women who love the Lord and love others. Curves or no curves, these women love deeply, give generously, and serve faithfully.The women who are considered unworthy because of their bodies are often the ones who volunteer to do the hardest work in the church. These are the women who, rejected by society’s standards, still cheerfully give both their money and time.With that in mind, I asked myself, “What do I have to be ashamed of in this body?”I honor and take care of my body as the temple of the living God. No harmful substance has ever found its way into my system. Sin is not allowed to live in my body. No, my curvy body is kept ready for the daily presence of the Holy Spirit.

The women who are considered unworthy because of their bodies are often the ones who volunteer to do the hardest work in the church. These are the women who, rejected by society’s standards, still cheerfully give both their money and time.My hands, although short and ungroomed, are the hands with which I’ve cooked and cleaned for the members of God’s household for years, served as custodian for church property, managed my own property, and single-handedly raised a wonderful twelve year-old. So, my hands don’t look “sexy,” but they sure have been ministering through the years.My curvaceous body is the same body with which I serve God’s people and my child, in sickness and in health. The physical labor I’ve put into serving the Lord led to a bad back that sometimes requires me to be in a brace for months at a time. I don’t have a thin waist that fits the American standard, and maybe it’s too crooked from years of Christian service to meet the African ideal, but God loves my curvaceous waist.My eyes are not hued with “sexy” shades of makeup, but they are the eyes that I’ve intentionally shielded from anything unwholesome.Many women, including myself, have little or no personal time to spend on meeting this cultural beauty standard. We work from dawn to dusk each day, fulfilling our quota to our families, the church, and the marketplace. Our efforts hold home, workplace, church, and community together, but when people see us, they don’t think about what we do or how we contribute to the world. Rather, they think about how much or how little we fit the worldly standard of attractive female.This is not to say that life is always better for the woman who meets the beauty standard, because she is still subjected to the male gaze. And often, under the gaze of the “overly-spiritual,” she is penalized for having an attractive form. These attractive women may be subjected to the same denigration that the “unattractive” women suffer under the intense cultural pressure to be thin.The serpent in the garden told the woman, “You’re not enough until you eat (do) this.” And today, the serpent’s voice has found its way into our world. The devil constantly tells women that they are “never enough.”

Our efforts hold home, workplace, church, and community together, but when people see us, they don’t think about what we do or how we contribute to the world. Rather, they think about how much or how little we fit the worldly standard of attractive female.These voices keep the focus on women’s physical selves rather than on their personhood and humanity. Satan is determined to reroute women from their God-ordained path. Instead of thinking about God’s will, women are often distracted by the pursuit of that elusive standard by which they will finally be found “enough.”Satan is sending women off on a wild goose chase. Make no mistake, if women allow him to do so, they will find themselves ruled by the ever-changing demands of men’s desires rather than by the clear and stable directives of God.The Apostle Peter counseled godly women to resist the emphasis on “outward” value and focus on their real value, their “inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Pet.3:3-4).This is not an assignment for women who are not considered “beautiful.” Rather, it is a universal assignment for all women who want to please God!God said it to Samuel, Peter seconded it. Women are more than their bodies or outward appearances. A woman is significant in ways that mere physical appearance can never capture.From my rising to my laying down, the desire of my heart is not to be physically stunning. Truly, I only want to please my God. And somehow, I don’t think that includes how curvaceous or how thin he wants me to look on any given day. Rather, he is concerned with how kind, generous, selfless, prayerful, and Christ-centered I can be each day.Being fat or thin has nothing to do with human worth. Had Jesus been in our culture today, people might have asked him “Which is better for a woman to be? Fat or thin?”And I’m certain Jesus would give a response similar to Matthew 15:11 and Mark 7:15, making it clear that body fat or lack of it has nothing to do with our desirability before God.There are many valid arguments for certain body sizes, but the negative attention focused on women’s sizes is ridiculous. Many factors contribute to the shapes and sizes of women’s bodies: ethnicity, genetics, reproduction, nutrition, hormones, age, illness, etc.

Satan is sending women off on a wild goose chase. Make no mistake, if women allow him to do so, they will find themselves ruled by the ever-changing demands of men’s desires rather than by the clear and stable directives of God.The abandonment of what is in the body—a living soul created in God’s image—for the body itself indicates that we have misplaced our priorities. We must take care of our bodies, certainly, but our bodies are not to be shrines at which we direct our praise.My ex-husband loved my then “thin” body, but I would have preferred that he’d noticed my mind, my love for those around me, my love for God, my selflessness, commitment, and devotion.And even outside of intimate relationships, I am certain that many women are crying out to be affirmed for who they are rather than what they look like.Despite our fascination with the physical, we must remember that the human body is a temporal state. It is subject to limitations and decay. The unstoppable nature of aging and physical degeneration makes it unrealistic and unloving to judge women exclusively by their looks.Therefore, we would do well to focus on what matters by remembering Apostle Paul’s words,“Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day… So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:16).Just as women must fix their gazes on the souls of men rather than on their bodies, men must learn to fix their gazes on the souls of women. Seek to see that which is not readily visible to the naked eye, that which can only be seen when we look with our hearts rather than with our tainted, carnal vision.We must affirm women of all sizes and shapes as we do for men, because we recognize that there’s a person, a soul, in each body. A wonderful, beautiful person who is deeply loved and valued by God.So the next time you see a woman, remember that her value should not be decided by her body.

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Go for the gold

Go for the gold

Posted on by Xana

Written by: Stacey Moyo

The Young Adults iConnect camp held last year was a huge success! The Young Adults Ministry is led by Ps Wayne Chafunya at Rhema Bible Church. In the course of the weekend, the campers were split into four huge teams, to scramble for victory in a series of games. It was, however, the tug-of-war that caused the most stirring.

Here is how it all started: in the first round two teams were prepared to bring on the competition; ready in their positions, and seconds before the camp instructor blew his whistle, the guys glanced at their opponents with no fear for they were a group of mere girls! The assumption was clear: girls are weaker than guys and a win was guaranteed. The whistle goes off! They begin to lose ground…panic! What is wrong here? Suddenly it’s all over…the girl team has won! Surprised and discouraged everyone decides that they need a new strategy. Together they deliberate and agree to re-shuffle the teams with a mix of girls and guys. The outcome was incredible! Better competition and much more fun. A balanced team and good strategy in unity went for the gold! When guys and girls work together the results are greater. We declare that the battle of the sexes must come to an end! Going for gold is more than winning a competition – it is all about teamwork and empowerment.

Don’t generalise and claim that guys are always stronger than girls considering that the physical barrier is becoming shorter. Today girls are encouraged to be sporty, fit and competitive.

We are living in impressive times where girls believe in who they are, empower themselves and are developing great attitudes about their worth. Here is a takeaway – whether you are a guy or a girl, you can work with the opposite sex. In unity far greater accomplishments are achieved; on the other hand, in a war, we all fall and fail.

Choose to go for gold!

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